Blood Pages by George Bilgere

Author:George Bilgere
Language: eng
Format: epub
Tags: Poetry, General, American
ISBN: 9780822983309
Publisher: University of Pittsburgh Press
Published: 2018-03-01T00:45:16.513000+00:00

Letter to the Dying

I have to write a letter to my friend who is dying.

I can’t put it off (although I want to put it off),

because he is dying. There’s a deadline.

In light of this fact everything takes on

rich new meanings. “Putting it off,”

for instance, is for the living, those

with the luxury of time. Also

“In light of this fact.” Now I know

that facts give off light, like the fact

of his dying, which makes everything

so bright I have to close my eyes.

Writing to the dying is difficult

because I don’t want to say anything true.

Saying something like, You’ve had such a great life

will make it sound like he’s dying.

And you can’t say that! It’s OK

for him to say it, but my role, as I see it,

is to be evasive. I can’t even say

I love you, because I would never say that

unless he were dying, and if I say it

he’ll know he’s dying.

But he already knows he’s dying

so I must write this letter in a way

that somehow manages to suggest

it’s possible that he’s not really dying,

while at the same time acknowledging

he’s dying.

The worst thing about this letter I have to—

have to—write my dying friend,

is that he knows I hate having to write the letter,

and thus he feels sorry to have burdened me.

So my writing this letter is just making him feel worse,

and he already must feel terrible.

So maybe I just won’t write the letter.

The compassionate thing would be to say nothing,

to just pretend the whole thing isn’t happening.

But he’s dying.

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